Another Fish Story Rewritten
Original:
After the picture was taken I looked down at the lifeless defeated creature, its hard glassy black eyes looked straight through me. The fish’s scales were beaming in the sun like proud diamonds upon an old widowed woman. A group of gnats slowly flew by the fish’s blood-crusted mouth and soon there were groups of little black dots dancing all over the crusted surface of the fish. The large metal hook piercing through its mouth looked extremely painful; its mouth looked as if it were almost torn off by his constant struggle to get off the hook. The green stripes painted on the fish’s back looked faded and lifeless, matching the fish’s black sorrowful eyes. The whole circumstance made me confused and sick to my stomach.
My Version:
My dad walked away after the snapshot and left me with this lifeless defeated creature that I destroyed. Its hard glassy black eyes stared straight through me as if it were burning a hole through my own eyes. The fish’s beaming scales in the sunlight covered the entire body of the fish like a type of shield that finally told us that the fish could never be harmed again. As I stood there above the lifeless body, I watched a group of gnats slowly fly by the fish’s blood-crusted mouth and land upon the coated surface of the fish. The what seemed to be an enormous hook going through the mouth of the fish seemed to also be going through the heart of my chest. With the fish’s last struggle in life came my first struggle of life.
Add a comment November 13, 2009
Mark Mason
Okay so, I definitely like the first reading better than this one because it was shorted and I liked the voice a little more. So, in the first draft, I think it was a heck of a lot better than any “Shitty First Draft” I have ever made. I mean yes, it was unorganized but it did make sense for me. I mean I can definitely see the change from the first draft to the final draft where he put some research and organized it a lot better. On thing that I really liked about his final draft is the way he started off his paper from the first sentence, “Comic books suck.” When I read this, it made me want to continue reading because I wanted to know why comic books sucked to him and what his reasoning was behind this opening statement. I think he did a great job in analyzing everything from V for Vendetta, Brazil, and 1984. He gave me enough information about all of them so, if I have never read them before I had a main idea what they were about and that is very important for an audience I think!
Add a comment November 13, 2009
“Theme For English B”
I really enjoyed this piece by Langston Hughes. I think he is a very talented and brilliant poet. I think this poem is talking about the diversity of people and the impact they have on other peoples lives. For example, no matter what race, culture, or ethnicity all my previous teachers were, I still learned something from them and I will forever carry on the education that they taught me. They are a part of me and who I am and I owe some of myself to them for being where I am now,in a university with great grades. I love the line where he says “Sometimes perhaps you don’t want to be a part of me. Nor do I often want to be a part of you.” I think that many people are ignorant and blinded in this world to just see and realize that we truly are all human beings. Put on this Earth to have a chance at life and to make the best of it. People need to start looking pass the color of one’s skin and maybe than could they really get the effect of how great a persons inside is whether than just relying on stereotypes. Today I heard on the radio that one stereotype people have is that all college students have messy cars. Now, I know this may seem like it has nothing to do with this excerpt but, if you think about it college students are very busy sometimes. I will admitt, my car is messy but, I have classes everyday of the week, and I am on the FSU swim club, and I do a lot of volunteer hours, and I study for tests and quizzes so I can get good grades. So, I mean is one going to judge me because I have a messy car. This is what I am talking about and what Langston Hughes is trying to break in this poem of his!
Add a comment November 13, 2009
Ad for a …….
Okay, so the class did not really have time to guess our occupations but, mine is a tiger/lion tamer. I was trying to put a whole bunch of animals and then make it look like the tiger was the most important. In the text, I put things like Adventurous, and not ordinary. At the bottom I also mentioned how the zoo was not liable for any harmful disasters.
Add a comment November 6, 2009
Readings.(“Why I Write” and “Sleeping with Alcohol”)
I really enjoyed reading both of these pieces. I mean it was interesting to read and it makes me want more of what these authors have to offer. In the “Sleeping with Alcohol” piece, Donna Steiner is so descriptive throughout the essay but especially in the opening paragraphs. She writes, “It’s slender, nine inches high, and seductive in the way that bottles often are”. I think that this line means a lot and it really describes how she feels about this one object. Another thing that I liked about this essay and the responses that she wrote the lady had about drinking and alcohol. One thing that I thought was sort of ironic was when she asked the question “What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you while you were drunk?” and she replies with things like I broke my foot, got raped, dropped out of college, and lost my license. I mean and it sort of seems like it is not a big deal to her. So, that confused me a little but, it adds to the story.
As for the second reading, “Why I Write”, I absolutely love things like this. Just list all the things you love or hate and a short description of why. I mean after I read it I was just like wow. One line that really spoke to me was when the writer wrote, “I write myself out of my nightmares and into my dreams.” I don’t know why but, I really like that idea. I also like when she wrote, “I write knowing I will always fail.” This sentence is what I should start doing when I write because, if I think like that and if I succeed even a little bit I would be happy!
Add a comment November 6, 2009
Typographies continued…
When Iwas writing and creating my typographies, I didn’t really need to change a lot. For my parents, I wanted to point out everything I was doing and make sure I highlighted the most positive things. I think what was the most difficult was writing fora middle school sibling. I didn’t really know what to write about or how to go about it. I think I could have been a little more creatice like one of my classmates and use photoshop but, I will have to get more use to that program. Also, depending on what I wanted the words to mean that is how I chose the font and the color. When I was writing this, I really didn’t like change my opinion/attitude toward the audience because there was nothing bad that I really wrote about.
Add a comment November 6, 2009
Open attached file!College…..
*Open the file attached to see full document and changes!
College blog College=Freedom
When they told you in high school that you are on your own in college, and that your professor’s aren’t going to care if you fail your class or call your parents, they meant it. College is a whole different world for me and I love it. I love the fact that I am out of high school and all the drama. I am glad I have moved on to a more mature place. I am happy that I am mostly around people who want to learn. Besides, no one tells or makes you go to class, you choose to do it on your own. There is so much to do here and there is honestly a place for everybody. As long as you are willing and open to meeting new people and trying new things, you should be okay.
(To My Parents)
Hey Mom and Dad. So, college is amazing. I am meeting a lot of new people and having a lot of fun. Don’t worry though, all my classes are going very well. In my teaching class, we started creating lesson plans and I was assigned a fourth grade class so, I will be teaching them math this semester. Also, I joined the FSU swim club. I am pretty excited because they seem like a cool group of people and I will still be able to swim throughout college and get my exercise. Also, the football games are spectacular. It is a little tiring though when we do the warchant every chance we get but, I wouldn’t change it for anything.
(Middle School Sibling)
Hey John! So, I was just writing to tell you how college is going and to tell you that you better start planning now! Colleges are raising their expectations so my advice to you is to take as many AP classes that you can pass, and work hard. Never take a break and start taking your ACT and SAT even though you are in middle school time goes by fast. Believe me. Most of all, have fun while you are young and for the rest of your middle school and high school years. Make the most out of it and never look back.
(High School Juniors)
Well, I hope you already have scholarships and colleges lined up because if you don’t you are way behind. How did you do on that SAT and ACT? Boring huh? Well, you need to have it to get into schools so, take it and do your best on it. Do you know what you want to major in? Believe me when I say that junior year is going to fly by and then it will be senior year and if you blink, you are walking across the stage and getting your diploma. It’s crazy that you have made it this far huh? Well, good luck on the rest of your two years in high school and I know the end is near so, don’t give up! Especially your senior year, you can’t risk slacking off!
Okay, so when I made up the font size and the type of font for these short paragraphs I was thinking about the meaning of these words and the messages that I was trying to get across. It was hard like trying to know what and how I should put these words and make them more than just words. When you do things like this, you put another underlying message under the word.
Add a comment November 4, 2009
Youtube and Typographies
I searched typographies on Youtube and found a Blink 182 music video. I don’t know the name of the song but, it was very creative. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0LIvrxf-R0
This is the website so definitely take a look.
I didn’t really know what typographies were until I looked it up. I mean of course I have seen this kind of art used before like for instance in commercials for like the Ford trucks I think, I just didn’t know it had a name for it. This works well because while not giving you like a normal music video, it gives you the lyrics and shows they through different characterizations and goes along with the message of the song. I think that whoever does this puts in a ton of work and has to have a very wonderous mind. It looks very hard to do but, the end product is great! What makes this funny is just some of they ways they express the lyrics. Like if you start from 50 seconds and watch a little of it, that is like my favorite part because there is so much going on and it’s just great. It’s so expressive. And you know it does matter how you write a word and the font and the size of your words. What makes all this appropriate is that it goes a long with the song and the message. It is not just random words and ideas that are just put into a video. They make sense and their movements make sense.
Add a comment November 4, 2009
I don’t like the Onion
1 comment October 27, 2009
